Interlude: Commitments, Saying No, and Buying Time

Do you have a hard time saying "No"?

I sure do.

Whether it's an exciting opportunity or my (full confession) people-pleasing nature, I tend to quickly say "Yes" to things without thinking about the ramifications of that commitment.

And that's when a three-letter word leads to overwhelm.

I anticipate that you have similar struggles. Maybe you don't want to say "No" to a student who asked for help. Or maybe you fear saying "No" to a request from your supervisor. Or maybe you want to say "Yes" to an exciting idea, but you're already juggling a lot of other commitments.

So one question that's been on my mind is: If you say "Yes" to this task, what are saying "No" to?

If you say "Yes" to meeting with a student, are you saying "No" to writing your grant? If you say "Yes" to taking on another project from your supervisor, are you saying "No" to quality work? If you say "Yes" to an exciting idea, are you saying "No" to another commitment you already made?

And that leads me to another question that's been on my mind: How can you say "No" (or "Yes") effectively and respectfully?

In my quest to find strategies, I've found some interesting perspectives that I thought you might find helpful. So I put together a themed issue on how to say "No" so that you can focus on what truly matters to you.

Let's get to it...

💌 Round-up

👓 Reading

Success Requires Saying No, Here's How The Experts Do It​
"Successful people say no to 90+ percent of the things that are asked of them. They just don't have the time to take advantage of every opportunity. But because they say no so frequently, they learn to do it in a way that's effective but respectful. That leaves a positive impression.

Each response Ferriss published had similar structural elements:

• Personal acknowledgment

• Admission that the recipient is doing too much--a sort of "It's me, not you" message

• Statement that the recipient has to focus on his or her own priorities at the moment

• Explanation of those priorities (a lot of people need details to sympathize)

• Information about why completing existing commitments is more important than taking on new ones

• Rationale for blanket policy of not taking on new meetings, calls, or projects"

​Work Speak: How to Say “No” to Extra Work​
"...there is a right and wrong way to turn down tasks. . .Instead of pushing back or going on the defense, you can be thoughtful, explain your reasoning, and avoid making enemies along the way." This article includes sample scenarios and language to help you understand (and practice) the strategies.

🎧 Listening

Insights from Google's Productivity Expert—On Saying No, Cozy Corners, The Laundry Method, and More with Laura Mae Martin​
In this episode of the Free Time Podcast, Laura shares five ways to say no:

• Ask questions to better understand the time commitment and whether it aligns with your top priorities.

• Say you’ll think about it or don’t respond right away to buy yourself time to figure out if you really want to commit.

• Imagine the different scenarios for saying "Yes" or "No."

• Say "No, but..." and send some helpful resources.

• Say "No, because..." and give a little context for why you are saying "No."

🖥️ Watching

The Power of "Yes And"​
In this Instagram Reel, Vinh Quang Giang shares how "Yes and" is a powerful conversation technique that can transform any negative into a positive.

💬 Quote

"The obvious way to buy back your time is to pay someone to do something for you. Pay the mechanic to change your oil or a dry cleaner to press your suit.

The less obvious way to buy back your time is to say no. Passing on a promotion might "buy" you more time with family. Declining the dinner invite might "pay" for the time you need to exercise. We buy back our time not only with the money we spend, but also with the opportunities we decline.

The more clearly you know how you want to spend your days, the easier it becomes to say no to the requests that steal your hours." –James Clear

✅ Action

The next time you find yourself wanting to say "Yes" to something that you don't really want to do, try an expert tactic for saying "No."

Thank you so much for reading.

Warmly,

Crystal