Interlude: Apologizing, Reframing, and Hijacking

Do you tend to apologize when you don't immediately reply to emails?

Perhaps you've opened an email with "I'm sorry for my delay in replying." Or "I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to you."

I had this habit for a long time. The phrase "I'm sorry" became an automatic reply out of politeness rather than a genuine (or even needed) apology.

Although some situations call for a true apology, a delayed email often isn't one of them.

So a couple of years ago, I started taking a different approach. Rather than open an email with an apology, I would open with words of appreciation: "Thanks for your patience while I replied."

According to research, this reframing shows appreciation that helps to boost the recipient's self-esteem and satisfaction. This reframing also sets a positive tone by showing respect for the recipient and their time, while also respecting your own time. And this appreciation and respect can help to foster a stronger and more meaningful relationship.

This approach also works in other situations.

Did you arrive late to lunch?

Apology: "I'm sorry. I got stuck in traffic."
Reframe: "Thank you for waiting. I got stuck in traffic."

Did you talk your colleagues ear off?

Apology: "I'm sorry I rambled."
Reframe: "Thank you for listening to me."

Did your meeting run late?

Apology: "I'm sorry we went over."
Reframe: "Thank you for staying a few extra minutes while we sorted out the next steps."

So the next time you find yourself apologizing unnecessarily, use language that reframes your response to appreciation.

Now onto the good stuff...

💌 Round-up

👓 Reading

​Your Email Does Not Constitute My Emergency​
"The more recipients believed they needed to respond quickly, the more stressed they felt — and the more they tended to struggle with burnout and work-life balance. The stress was mitigated when senders took a simple step: communicating their expectations. Just saying something like 'This isn’t urgent, so get to it whenever you can' was enough to alleviate the perceived pressure to respond quickly."

​My journal was hijacked: an editor’s experience​
"Journal hijacking is a growing problem and a threat to the entire scientific community. Hijacked journals are scam websites that impersonate legitimate journals and attempt to take over their brand...By stealing the brand, web domain, or the serial number used to identify a publication, cybercriminals try to lure researchers into paying for publications."

🧰 Tools

​Just Not Sorry​
This Chrome Extension for Gmail and Outlook warns you when you use phrases such as "I'm sorry" and many other phrases that can undermine your message. I've used the extension for many years and really appreciate when it flags messages that I can refine to send more confident and appreciative emails.

💬 Quote

“Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to put it all into words is all that is necessary.” — Margaret Cousins

📝 Experiment

The next time you default to writing an unnecessary "I'm sorry" in an email, delete the phrase and replace it with "Thank you."

Thank you so much for reading.

Warmly,

Crystal