How to Avoid Overloaded Sentences that Overwhelm Your Reader
Scientific and medical concepts can be complex and difficult to understand. To make matters worse, many researchers describe these concepts in long, confusing sentences that overwhelm their readers with information and complicated language. This approach to writing can challenge readers of all types, from the public to scientific experts.
One way that you can write complex concepts more clearly is to use shorter sentences. Short sentences are easier to understand than long sentences. They also have more impact, because they usually contain only one idea for the reader to digest at a time.
In scientific and medical writing, authors tend to write with medium-to-long sentences. They often pack too many ideas into a sentence either by stringing ideas together or by discussing more than one concept at a time.
Avoid stringing ideas together
When ideas are related, such as when doing a comparison, many authors think that they need to describe the relationship in a single sentence.
Example 1
One patient with acute respiratory distress syndrome was admitted to the intensive care unit and required mechanical ventilation for 3 days during their hospitalization, whereas another patient only required supplemental oxygen therapy for 5 days before being discharged. (38 words)
In this example, the author compares two patients. However, the sentence can be easily broken into two sentences while still making a clear comparison.
Revision 1
One patient with acute respiratory distress syndrome was admitted to the intensive care unit and required mechanical ventilation for 3 days during their hospitalization. Another patient only required supplemental oxygen therapy for 5 days before being discharged.
A helpful tip is to look for commas in a long sentence. A comma can often flag a pause where you can break one sentence into two or more sentences.
Discuss one concept at a time
The previous example was fairly simple. But sometimes authors will talk about two ideas at once or interweave multiple ideas in a sentence.
Example 2
During pathological conditions, such as oxidative stress, endoplasmic reticulum stress, thermal stress, or as a result of acetylation, the protein is cleaved at various locations, giving rise to a variety of nearly identical transcription factors with distinct N-termini. (38 words)
In the above example, multiple concepts are intertwined. By dividing these ideas into three sentences, the concepts are much easier to understand.
Revision 2
The protein is cleaved at various locations during pathological conditions, such as oxidative stress, endoplasmic reticulum stress, or thermal stress. It can also be cleaved as a result of acetylation. This cleavage gives rise to many nearly identical transcription factors with distinct N-termini.
Let’s look at another example.
Example 3
To study the beneficial effects of the vasodilator on ventricular function in patients who have congestive heart failure, an echocardiogram assessment of ventricular function was performed in 100 patients with moderate to severe heart failure, Class III or IV according to the NYHA classifications. (44 words)
In this example, the authors discuss the purpose of the study, how the study was done, and what population they studied. A clearer way to describe this information would be to divide the sentence into three sentences.
Revision 3
We assessed the beneficial effects of the vasodilator on ventricular function in patients who have congestive heart failure. For this assessment, we performed an echocardiogram on 100 patients. Of these patients, 52 had Class IV heart failure and 48 had Class III heart failure according to the NYHA classifications.
In this revision, each sentence discusses one idea, which is easier for the reader to understand. A bonus to this revision is that it removed the passive phrase was performed, giving an extra boost to clarity.
A Numerical Guideline
To avoid overloaded sentences, keep your sentences as short as possible. A helpful guideline is to avoid sentences with more than 25 words. Keep in mind that this number is a loose average. If all your sentences have 22 to 28 words, your writing will feel monotonous and boring. By varying your sentence length, you can add rhythm, interest, and drama that engages your reader. And if you want to emphasize an important idea, put it in a short sentence. Short sentences have a strong impact.
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